This article, though is not related to Bangalore specifically, but is very true in large Indian cities. Bangalore is no exception…

Returning home from a maiden onsite trip is an exciting affair for everybody I guess. It includes a mixed feeling of joy, because you are meeting your family after a long time, and a sense of sorrow of leaving behind the wonderland, not knowing when you can get back there, hoping that you had an opportunity to stay a bit longer. But the major component is the Nervousness, nervous of the "Custom"ary Welcome that we all have to go through upon landing in India, especially if it is Mumbai. My case was a bit different. Although it had all the three components, they varied in proportions. I was very disappointed because of my short stay in the wonderland (USA), which deprived me of enjoying it to the fullest. My "nervousness" of the "Custom"ary welcome was a reduced a great deal by some experienced friends and relatives who had equipped me with all the necessary "tactics" to graciously and confidently accept the welcome.

So I confidently began my journey at the DFW (Dallas) airport and moved into the baggage check-in counter where, I was told that one of my bags is heavier than the allowed weight of 70 lbs and the other one is lighter. I had to do a "Ctrl X" (cut) and "Ctrl V" (paste) of luggage from one bag to another. After a few embarrassing attempts, I got the equations right and both the bags were now in an acceptable weight range. But in the process, I had badly overstuffed the lighter bag, also the smaller of the two bags. I was slightly nervous then, but not much because I was still equipped with all the necessary "tactics". And thus began my journey to India…

As we approached Mumbai, the disappointment suddenly gave way to joy, joy of being back in "Aamchi Mumbai", the joy of being able to meet my parents and relatives, meet friends, the sheer joy of being back to one's own country. In this mental state of being in seventh heaven I approached the conveyer belt to collect my baggage. It was a few minutes, until the bags started rolling on the belt. Passengers, who had crowded around the belt to collect their luggage, slowly started moving with their luggage, happily, as I waited for my luggage, impatiently. Finally with just 2-3 passengers around the belt, my bags rolled out majestically on the belt, like an Emperor and Empress on a stroll in their garden "Royale". As I disgustedly collected my luggage, I was shocked to see that my smaller, overstuffed bag was ruthlessly torn on the side. I imagined my poor bag put up brave fight with the officials as they tried to move him from one position to another without letting him settle down on one place or one plane rather. Poor fellow, he was overstuffed beyond his permissible limits, but still he carried it bravely, without a word in complains. But when it reached a point when he could not take it any longer, his seams gave way, fighting bravely till the last seam. I stood there, repenting my overstuffing him; I was reminded of how nice and handsome he was when I had bought it, beaming in his black armor. It was really sad that he attained martyrdom on his very first war, serving me faithfully till the very end.

As I stood there in melancholy, I made a perfect scapegoat (read 'bakra') for the on-duty Customs folks, a guy with two huge bags, a heavy cabin baggage and a bag of Duty Free Swiss chocolates in his hand. Engrossed in my grief, I proceeded towards the "Green" Channel (proceed after your declaration), one of the tactics taught to me by my revered 'Gurus'. Just as I was about to step in the line for the Green Channel, I was asked by a Customs official to step aside. I admit I was bit nervous, but I put up a brave face, determined that I too would fight, just as my poor bag had done. To my horror he led me straight to the dreaded "Red" Channel (proceed ONLY after the custom official's declaration). Now I was truly horrified but I promise you all, it did not show up on my face.

The officer at the desk greeted me officially, as he greedily eyed my baggage. He questioned me about my baggage and what made me go to US and the other routine questions, which I answered aptly. Then he dropped the bombshell I was waiting for and had also prepared the answer for, "What have carried back from there? Camera, laptop, video camera, electronic items?" I replied that I did not have any thing except for a Digital Camera. The word brought a sparkle on his face, similar to the sparkle that comes on any of our faces when we discover a Severity 1 bug in the customer's code. J He enquired about the cost asked if I had some perfumes etc. and the total worth of these purchases. I replied in positive and showed him the bills of the camera, and told him that all in all the stuff that I had carried from US did not total to more than 200 USD.

Visibly happy he went to fetch a book and calculator and vehemently browsed through the book and made some calculations. His happiness confused me thoroughly because 200 USD worth of merchandise wasn't a huge amount and well within the permissible limits. For over five minutes he was browsing the book and scribbling something on a notepad and punching the keys of the calculator like a mad man. I was in a nervous wreck inside, but put a calm face (I tried too). Finally, he approached me beaming and said that I owed a customs duty of Rs.14,000/- for the products that I had carried.

In spite of all the nervousness, I could not suppress my laughter. I asked him the procedure employed to achieve that magical number. Almost prepared for it, he explained that the cost of the stuff that I had carried amounted to Rs.28,000/- and a 50% customs duty on that meant that I had to pay Rs.14,000/- as duty. Initially I was delighted because I thought that Rupee had fallen drastically against the Dollar and was being traded at Rs.140 per 1$. I had already started my mental calculations of my earnings :)). I asked him how he had calculated the cost of those items as Rs. 28,000/- as they were worth just 200 USD and not more than Rs.10,000/-. His reply shocked me "Your bills are all OK, but we have separate rate list for each of the items. As per those rates these items cost Rs.28,000/-."

I was shocked beyond limits now, but I must say this last part of our conversation had totally relieved me of my nervousness. I told him that he could take away my Digital camera and all the perfumes if he wished, because all put together, they had not cost me Rs.14000/-. Now it was his turn to be shocked, and I could see it on his face. Quickly recomposing himself, he said that would not be possible, since I had carried these items from abroad, I legally had to pay a duty for it. I said I would willing pay the duty but only if it made some sense to me. I could not possibly pay a duty, which is costing me more than the items themselves.

As our argument continued, a senior customs official asked him to wind up things fast and get ready for the "next" flight that had already arrived. So he hurriedly asked me to take my luggage to X-Ray machine to scan them. I saw the gleam on his face shade away as my baggage passed successfully through the X-Ray. Not knowing what to do, he again buried his head into his book and Calculator, browsing and punching simultaneously like a nervous wreck. I'm not much of a mind reader, but I'm sure he was cursing the second plane for coming in early, or perhaps the security guard who caught hold of the wrong bakra (me) or perhaps me, for not having carried anything from abroad, or perhaps his own bad luck for the day. As I waited patiently for him to finish his calculations, he turned up to me and said "Pay Rs.1800/- as duty".

I wanted to laugh my spleens out now as I heard the new figure. I had heard of "bargain" stories with customs, but this was way beyond imagination. An 87% drop in duty on the very first bargain attempt!!! I was mighty pleased with myself and wanted to pat myself on the back for this "accomplishment".

I told him that I did not have that much of Indian currency on me. "No Problem" he continued "You can also pay in Dollars". I told him that I had 2$ and some cents with me, he could take it if he wished. Clearly frustrated by my brash answer he protested "Kya tum bhi, US se aate ho aur jeb mein 3$ bhi nahi hain" (You are returning from US but are not carrying even 3$). Enjoying his helplessness thoroughly, I replied that I have come back to my country now and I do not need Dollars in this country. I was unable to spend the 2$ and the few cents and he could take it if he wished too. Totally frustrated now he started again with what he did the best, Calculations!!!

I was waiting for another magical figure this time, hoping to get yet another 87% drop in duty :)) But to my disappointment, I received just a 33% cut this time and he settled on Rs.1200/-. To this I showed him my wallet, which had Rs.900/- in it, and told him to charge me sensibly because I needed to hire a cab back home and would need at least Rs.500/- for the same. Caught totally off guard by my act, he was now fighting with himself, cursing himself aloud for having wasted so much of his precious time on me. Finally he pleadingly said "Abhi 600 de do, aur kaam nahi ho sakta." (Pay 600, can't reduce it further) I felt as though there was some reverse auction going on...... 14,000..... 1800..... 1200........600!!!!! And finally 600... 1...... 600..... 2.......600.......3. And the "duty" goes to Rs. 600/- !!!!

The auction could have continued, but clearly he was now nearing a breakdown, and I was also waiting to see my parents who were anxiously waiting outside. It was almost 30 minutes now and I was sure my Mom would be worried. Moreover, he was now threatening that he would ask me to open my bag, and I wanted to avoid that because if my luggage were opened, it would not be long before a few items would disappear into the thin "airport" air. So I finally agreed for the amount and paid up at the bank and collected a bill for the same. The officer was only too happy with my resignation and immediately moved over to other prospective passengers.

As I moved with my luggage smiling to myself over the incident, a man standing near the gate sympathized with me and asked me how much I had cough out. I said I had to pay 600 bucks. He joined me in cursing the officers for their "harassment" of innocent passengers, and as a ready guide asked me to keep a 20 ready for the policeman at the gate. I told him I had already paid the so-called "duty" and did not owe anything to anybody now. His reply shocked me, "De do saab, 20$ mein aapka kya jaata hain"(Its just 20$ sir, give it). Everybody was ready to pinch a few Dollars from the passengers. As I passed out of the gate, of course without paying a cent (I wasn't asked for it either), I marveled at how everybody in the airport had his or her own unique ways of demanding money. Obviously this 'Raju Guide' was team with the policeman at the gate, with a stake in the booty collected at the end of the day (EOD), or should I say beginning of morning (BOM) as all these international flights land mostly at night. Having had my quota of shocks, I just hoping I would not encounter any other officer asking me for some Dollars just to enter the city, my own hometown :) Thanks to my lucky stars, there was none. I waved to my anxious parents, who were worried, because all the passengers on my flight had left already. On my way back, I narrated the incident to them and laughed for the rest of the way home.

                             - By Sanjiv Kulkarni